Week 22 Staying In Shape Physically and Mentally

Well I started the week off with attending my first Prenatal Aqua Fitness Class. It was a lot of fun but hard work. Silly me was expecting that it would be easy, swim over here pause lets swim back to this side. I was not expecting the cardio workout with strength conditioning that I got. I was sweating in a pool. Tell me how that's possible! It was also easy for me to enjoy because two of my coworkers attended the class, so I was not as nervous working out because I knew someone else in the class. All I can say is it felt really good to be working out and to just be in the water and have the weight of my Love Bug off my bladder. I really believe that she uses my bladder as a trampoline.

After the swim class when I was in the dressing room changing several people came up to me and asked "is this your first baby?" This question has been a tough one for me to answer. And depending on how well I know the person my answer varies. To me personally NO, it's not my first. I have my angel Peanut. But to say no I have an angel or no I have miscarried is like being a Debbie Downer, usually making the person asking the question feel awkward or even worse they say something like "oh but see your fine your pregnant again" or my favorite is "well that one doesn't count!" Both of which rips my heart apart and makes me wonder why not. I haven't had my Love Bug yet but your counting it as my first? Just because I miscarried doesn't mean that my Peanut was not loved just as much or wanted just as much as my Love Bug. (Below is a picture of my Peanut)
So what did I tell these excited ladies. "Yup this is my first." I was tired and didn't want to have to explain or have them feel weird. But the whole way home I felt like I had betrayed my Peanut. I guess I could be a little more touchy then normal considering the time of year. Last year at this time I was pregnant, last year at this time I was changing my life to welcome in to this world our baby Peanut. Last year life was perfect, Dave and I had jobs we liked, money in the bank and our baby on the way. We were blissfully ignorant of how bad things were about to become. Looking back though I'm happy Dave and I made it though and that a counselor was able to teach me that it was OK and that my baby is and was real even if other people couldn't see it. I'm thankful that a year later I'm pregnant and further along then the first time, excited and enjoying this pregnancy trip more so now. I know that the one year mark of losing my Peanut is coming up and it won't be easy to feel and go though but that I will be OK and it is OK to have these feelings as long as I know and remember that I'm moving forward. I sometimes get jealous of my friends that didn't miscarry but then at the same time I'm so thankful that they don't have to go though what I am. All I can say is thank you Peanut for what I have learned and Thank you Love Bug, I can't wait to meet you, my little one!

Week 21- Splish Splash I was Taking a bath

The second question I am usually asked after people find out I'm pregnant is "Can you feel the baby move?" My answer has mostly been No. This question had started to become really bothersome as I started to think something might be wrong. Friends not as far along in there pregnancy have said yes they feel it baby moves all the time, doctor keeps asking have I felt movement yet. Now I'm not saying I haven't felt something. At first I thought oh that must be a gas pain. Didn't feel like bubbles to me. I'm told that's what it feels like when the baby moves, tiny bubbles. One time in week 17 Dave but his had on my stomach and I swear he popped me cause I felt something like when you drop on a roller coaster. But that was it. I know my baby moves all over the place, I have the DVD to prove it,but I kept thinking when the baby moves I'll know. Again what other moms have told me. Could I really not know when my baby was moving? So Tuesday night when Dave and I got and crawled into bed and we're talking Dave put his had on my tummy and there was the strangest feeling I had felt to date. A feeling I kinda recognized but not really. So I decided to get in the tub with the lights off and it made sure it wad dead quite in the bath room. I laid there with my eyes close and just rubbed my belly. There it was a again. It wasn't bubbles but like something turning over in my tummy. A quick flutter. The same feeling I had been having off and on. more off then on but had felt for the last 4 weeks or so. I finally had learned what it felt like to feel my baby move. But I do have to say that my Love Bug knows her daddy, because anytime he is around hugging or touching the belly she moves all over the place. Dave leaves and it stops. .
Now I have tired very hard to copy what Dave does but I do not get the same effect. Baby Guinan is for sure a Daddy's Girl. I have felt so much better now that I know she is moving and I can feel it. I had been looking forward to this for several weeks now
On Saturday Dave and I went and registered for our little Love Bug at Baby Depot and Babies R Us. It was a long day but a lot of fun. I got really tired but hung in there for the day. Dave really hung in there too. Dave was in charge of the scanner gun and I held the item. We made a really good team. It's crazy how much stuff we need. At the end of the day it felt good to have another thing crossed off on the things to do list.

Week 20 - Half Way

I'm half way there! Half way till I get to hold my baby girl in my arms, count her toes, fingers, and look at her little face! Yeah!! Wait that means that I'm half way there till I'm a mom. Till some little helpless baby is going to be depending on me more then ever to take care of her. Oh no, only 4 1/2 months or less till we have to have the Nursery ready! Only 16 years till I have to worry about her dating. OMG Dave and I are not ready, he's worried about his job and the pay cut he just got and the possible layoffs to come. I'm worried about all the bills we been incurring and to come. My abilty to be a good mom. All this is what kepted me up for about 5 hours out of the 7 I had to sleep. The next day at work was a little hard to say the least. I ended up texting Dave in the middle of the Day asking him if we could talk when I got home. I have felt like the stress of everyday life and the baby had us both a little depressed. I felt that if we both talked it out we could grab stress by the balls and get things moving the way we want. We'll I bring up my worries and concerns to Dave ask him his and he just says he's tired and let's just let the house go, meaning stop making payments. I look at him, thinking are you fucking serious! Dave, knowing me sees my look and goes yes I'm serious. I say thank you for listening and hold back the tears. This is not were I was hoping to go with our talk. About 5 hours later with a lot of silnece in between our talk Dave and I crawl in to bed. I'm now wondering if there is any hope at cheering Dave up. After about 10 min of both of stareing at the ceiling in the dark Dave says, I'm glad you wanted to talk and I think your right on somethings and I'm sorry for how I reacted. My question about hope was just answered. I kissed him goodnite and told him well be fine it just takes work. I apoligezed again for my lack of effort of mangeing the house and preparing meals and thanked him for everything he has done. He really is a wonderful husband and will make a wonderful dad.

Speaking of sweet things Dave went and helped me pick out a Martinity swim suit and some really cute tops.

Any who to celebrate our half way mark I went to the spa and got a peddie. The best part about it was that you get to use the spa all day if you have a service so I went swimming, had a chair massage ate fruit, drank juice and swam some more. I had the whole pool to myself. It was perfect and relaxing.

On Friday Dave left to go on a weekend trip with his Dad to scout antelope. As he was leaving he gave me a kiss said I love you and put his hand on my belly and said take care of my little girl! It was so cute. Dave doesn't really touch my belly at all. I think it scares the crap out of him that there is a living person in me. So for him to do this meant so much to me.

Now that I had Dave out of the house I could get down to some really work. I started my taking all that I could from our office down to the basement. I was careful not to lift anything over 20 pounds. Once I had done that I hung some of the baby clothes I have recieved in the closet and arrange all the diapers and samples on the shelf. I got very excited by doing this little thing. I can't wait to see Dave's face when I show him the office is now ready to deseign the nursey as he wants! He really has some great ideas. I also got the carpets cleaned, took clothes to the Salavtion Army, met with friends and a few other errands. I even washed some of our curtins. I feel like I'm getting back on top of things as I had promised Dave I would do.

Week 19 - I have WHAT?

August 2 - The week started out with me making a comment to Dave Sunday night about how I just broke out with a ton of pimples on the top left side of my forehead. They had just started appearing within the last two-three hours. Dave and I laughed and went to bed. I woke of the next moring and looked in the mirror hoping all the zits had disappeared. Nope still there, so got up got ready and went to work. very happy that least no more had appeared. At about 10 o'clock my eye really starts bothering me so I look in the mirror and see this large blister looking thing right on the edged of my eyelid. Great more pimples, pissed, I wash my face and go back in to my office. My coworker Bridget and I start talking about it and she says she thinks it looks like a rash. I say should I go down to employee health since I work with patients. Bridget says I would. So off I go. I sit down there for about 15 mins. the whole time our fire alarm at work is going off. Now I have pimples and a headache. So I go in to get looked at and tell the lady
Cheryl: I'm sure its just pimples but I'm pregnant and just wanted to make sure these bumps if not pimples wouldn't hurt patients.

Employee Health Lady: (looks at my face not me and says) "well it not pimples it looks like Shingles, I'm 99% sure its shingles. So when did they start?"

Cheryl: last night but the one on my eye just popped up in the last 3 hours. <
Employee Heath Lady: Does it hurt?
Cheryl: No
Employee Health Lady: Are you sure, it doesn't hurt?

Cheryl: "Yes, Am I sure that it doesn't hurt."
Employee Health Lady: "Have you had any vision change?"
Cheryl: "yes but I was just at the eye doctor last week and have my new glasses and contacts. No more painful headaches and I'm fine."

So she says well I'm sending you out for a second opinion across the street to the Ophthalmologist. I said OK that my eye doctors office. So she get on the phone tells them "she thinks I have shingles that appeared to be along the trigeminal nerve and is sending me over at 1:00." I go up to my boss and say guess what? Told her the story and she asks does it hurt? NO. I thought it was pimples. So she gives me to OK and across the street I go. The girl at the eye doctor checks my vision and then tell me she needs to check the pressure in my eye. OK I say. Do I need to take my contacts out? No, she says not yet I'll tell you. So she leaves the room for a moment comes back and puts some drops in my eyes has me get line up with her machine and I feel a really funky feeling in my eyes. It almost hurt. She finishes and we go to another room. Doctor comes in goes.

Ophthalmologist: "Yup I would have to agree. Looks like you have Shingles but you are not 60 so I need to call your OB and check some things."

Cheryl: "OK."

Ophthalmologist: "Does it hurt?"

Cheryl: "No

Ophthalmologist: "While I'm calling your OB I'll have (don't remember her name) test your pressure. Wait... says here she did. You have your contacts in right?"

Cheryl: "Yup"

Ophthalmologist: "Did you put them back in?"

Cheryl: "NO"

Ophthalmologist shakes is head we will have to check pressure again. Oops no wonder my eye hurt on that last test. She was poking my eyes and the drops that are meant to numb a person eyes were block because of my contacts. Doctor comes in and says my OB wants to see me right a way so I go back to work tell my boss the new news and head off to the OB. Dr Gracia, on call for my doctor looks at me and say wow. Does it hurt? NO. Wondering if another person asked me if it hurts if my head would spin backwards and fly off. None of the doctors today have made eye contact with my they just stare at the bumps on my head. He says I have Shingles and writes me an Rx. Off to the pharmacy I go as directed. By now the work day is over. I'm tired and cranky and it's only Monday. The Acyclovir Capsules the doctor prescribed for me make me really nauseous but I only had to take them for a week every 4 hours. The rest of the week was really kind of easy. At my OB appointment on the 5Th Dr. Klose was happy to see the shingles have already started to disappear and told me not to worry as Dave and I both read that it can cause birth defects. Good news for us. I was also very thankful that I didn't have extreme pain assoicated with my Shingles.