2011-Naked

“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”

         -- Author Unknown

The above will be my new years goal. Hold it together, Cheryl

I think that I'm a simple kind of girl, who wants a simple but a filling kind of life. I used to feel blessed and loved and thankful for almost everything, the glass was always half full kinda outlook for me. A lesson I had to learn but did. I enjoy helping others and volunteering. I liked to smile, hug, kiss and share; I loved being a wife, mother and friend.


This last year has rocked the very ground I call "Cheryl". It's blackened my heart, aged me, stolen tears and life from me and life around me. My simple kind of girl and life has turned into the worst kind of reality show. A train wreak that you don’t want to look at but can’t take your eyes off of. One that can't even be aired because of the shear events that have happened. I can't even tell people most of it. I can't bear to let the words escape my lips. I feel I am lost in a nightmare and will never wake up, at times wishing that I never wake up and the nightmare would just end. I have been lied to, disrespected, thrown to the curb, puked on, sadden, used, ultimately if I had to use one phase I would say I have been broken. The other day I looked in the mirror at my naked self trying to see who I am now, what was left of me? I saw a sad, weak, bruised, lost, ugly person. In my most vulnerable and honest state I saw nothing of "Cheryl" looking back at me in the mirror. No gleam, no love, no warmth, my eyes empty. Everyone says and I do know this "that I am in control of my life" I really feel that this reflection looking back at me is my own fault. Even though it has been pointed out many times that it is not. I have no idea who or what I am anymore or how I am seen by anyone else for that matter. I used to think I was strong and know now I'm not. I fear everything and used to be a risk taker. I used to believe in love and now I'm not sure even what love is. It breaks my heart because I have an amazing, smart, beautiful daughter and I'm not sure I know how to teach her what love is anymore, the very thing I used to believe is "all you would ever need in life". I feel like as the days and nights go by and I am becoming a terrible mom and less of a person as they pass, I’m falling into a black hole, getting smaller and smaller. Everyone says/tells me you need to take care of yourself first in order to take care of your child or anyone else. But if I were to do what I need to take care of myself. It would be the worst thing for my family which I can not bear to do. Plus Addison has done nothing to deserve any of this. I am stuck between hell and a rock. I have some wonderful friends and family that I am very thankful for, they are there for me and they all ask what they can do. But ultimately the one thing I need none of my friends, family or myself can do. I feel powerless of my life right now and I hate it. It's my life how do I not know what to do???? Why do I feel I can’t control it??????


I started out on my journey with a soul mate. We had dreams, I had dreams that I/we have always wanted to do together. Instead, I’m left with myself (to keep it clear Dave and I are not divorced), a mess, no love, no money and a gift that I'm am stumbling with trying to protect and nurture so she will one day be a strong, beautiful, generous woman. I feel cheated. I don't understand how things can go from one extreme to another. Wait, strike that; I do know the reason but I don't get how the reason could even be seen as a choice to become a cause. Why one very wrong choice can be the appealing choice in life that someone would choose.
 I hardly ever pray, if I do it is for a real valid reason. I believe that if I do good on others, good will be returned. I'm not perfect, I'm human, and I make mistakes. I know that and do ask for forgiveness. But for a while now I have been praying every night, not for me, not for huge things. Usually just one simple request. Why am I not being heard? Why do I feel like I'm being punished? I have been so very patient. And I do know that so many more have it worse that my family does. I'm thankful for at least what I still have. As your reading this some of your might be thinking of a few words of advice or reasoning’s don't give me the line, "he gives you what you need not want you want." No one needs what Addison and I have been given. The other line I am so very fucking tired of is "he wouldn't give you this if you couldn't handle it." Does that just mean he is having fun seeing what I can take? I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE. I truly mean it. I actually felt like my body was failing me last night. Nothing in my body felt like it was in my control. From my head to my toes; even my mind. Everything felt off and weak, three heart beats from shutting down. I laid there in bed thinking if I could just cry, I know it would help me feel a little better, a brief cleanse of my soul. But I laid there feeling as if I was going to burst in to tears and cry but nothing would come. A new form of Chinese water torture. Then the thoughts "Maybe I have used up all the tears one person is given per a life time." Is what I’m feeling my sprit dying? What are you going to do Cheryl? I’m speaking in the third person now since Cheryl no longer feels like me, or maybe I’m just nuts. Cheryl stop, breath......get your inhaler ok try breathing again…Are you still there Cheryl? What are the good things???????????????????


As I look back at the year of hell 2011 has been for so many, I do have to mention that this year has been amazing when it comes to watching Addison grow. She now speaks in 2-4 word sentences, can count to 10 in order most of the time, if she is willing too. She runs, plays with others, loves Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and can name all the characters on the show. She has a very independent attitude. The terrible twos are here. She loves yogurt and cheese. Yes she is starting to handle some dairy products. She enjoys pretending to cook and clean and take care of her babies. Most recently since Christmas we have never ending tea parties. Her friend she talks about all the time is Wava (AVA). Addison has been sitting on the potty no luck yet but I feel we are getting closer. She loves singing and dancing and reading!

In this year I have gone sky diving

I raised over $1000.00 for March of Dimes and am consider one of the top fund raisers for Northern Nevada.  I'm proud of that because of how much I believe in March of Dimes, i was even a guest speaker for them.

I have gotten to know my brother and aunt on my dad’s side a bit more and my sister in law.
I have seen, watch and felt what it was like to watch a love one be told he has cancer, fight it and then pass away. And to find a way to be thankful for the time I did have with him and not to regret the time I won't have. Don't get me wrong I'm sad and it's painful to this day but at least I have finally learned how to greave somewhat better then before.
I have won more then my fair share of contests. Prizes from season tickets, $100 gift cards, museum memberships, to movie tickets.


I have found  friends.  One that actually writes BFF back on cards. Giving and receiving on both ends kind of friendships.  That I am very thankful for.


I have had nose surgery so that my health can improve. I'm now not nearly as sick as much I used to be. I know have an allergist and pulmonary doctor.
I have lost the weight gained from my pregnancy with Addison and almost all the weight gained from my pregnancy with Peanut. Thank you weight watchers. A bit to go till goal but I can do it.

 To end, as now I'm am am very tired, a quote by Winnie the Pooh and Rabbit

“I don’t see much sense in that, “ said Rabbit.“No,“ said Pooh humbly, “there isn’t. But there was going to be when I began it. It’s just that something happened to it along the way.”

Hill's® Science Diet® Ideal Balance™

I'm a BzzAgent.  By being a BzzAgent I get selected to try out new products from time to time for free in most cases and in return I just need to give honest feed back about the product and share my knowledge of it with people I come in contact with.  The most recent campaigin I have recieved was the Hill's® Science Diet® Ideal Balance™ dog food.  I was excited to try this one out with my dogs Punch and Roxy to see how they liked it and Roxy can stand to lose a little bit of weight.  First concern I had was that my dogs wouldn't eat it.  Well both dogs didn't even hesiate when it came to eatting it.  They woofed it down pretty fast, lips licking their jaws after they finished the bowl, no joke.  Another concern I had was that the change in food would upset the dogs stomaches, which would leave me with messes to clean and two unhappy pups.  I have had this happen many times before when switching foods and I am happy to report that after a week of my dogs enjoying the Hill's® Science Diet® Ideal Balance™ we have not had one mess or any vomitting from the change in food. YEAH!!!!!!   My dogs did seem a little bit more hungery but we are giving them the recommended amount of food per the lable.  I'm thinking it will just take a little bit for them to get use to the smaller serving size I am now giving them.

In my opinion for a healthy dog food that is natural the price of Hill's® Science Diet® Ideal Balance™ is fair.  It seems fairly easy to buy.  I ordered my online and it was nice to have the dog food delievered to my door but it is also nice to know that if I run out I can find it at serveral other stores.  I would like to be able to purchase this food at Costco one day.  Fingers crossed on that one.

Right now if you got to http://www.petmd.com/mybowl you can find out more information about the Hill's® Science Diet® Ideal Balance™ Dog food choices.  There are many of them to choose from.  They are also doing a Hill's® Science Diet® Ideal Balance™ Rebate up to $12.99 so really you can try this great dog food out for free!  So give it a try and let me know what you think or I should say your pets think about the food.

Burt's Bees Sensitive Skin Review

It has been a week since I started using Burt's Bees Facial Cleanser and Sensitive Daily Moisturinzing Cream.  The day I started using it I had a bit of a break out on my cheeks.  This break out made me a little bit worried about trying the facial cleanser as I normally break out with facial cleansers and did want to make it worse.  Well I gave in what kind of BzzAgent would I Bee if I didn't dive right in. Well I was glad and was very suprised with the results.  My break out did not get any worse and in fact it was gone in 3 days!  I was hooked from day 3.  in my Kit I also recieveide the Sensitive Daily Moisturizing Cream made by Burt's Bees.  To be truthful at first I didn't like the feel of the cream on my face.  It wasn't greasy or anything, I just was not used to a moisturizing cream on my face.   I think I'm over that now.  My face did not breakout from the Burt's Bees Sensitive Daily Moisturizing Cream either.  A week later I have clean, clear and a soft face.   Both of these items have a clean scent.  Not a fake clean sent just natural with was very appealing to me as I have bad allergies! I have to say that so far I am very happy with Burts Bee Facial Cleanser and Daily Moisturizing Cream for Sensitivie Cream.  Check it out for yourself at http://www.burtsbees.com/natural-products/face-care/ .  If you want to try a sample of the Moisturizing Cream just let me know.  My samples are going fast.  Remember I'm a BzzAgent!

Party Packs Coming to your Party Soon

Just wanted to say I'm excited for the Velveeta Cheesy Skillets Party Pack that is being mailed to me today. This looks to be a fun dinner party I'm throwing to try the new. Cheesy Skillets Velveeta is putting out. Some of the flavors they have are Ultimake Cheeseburger Mac, Chicken and Broccoli, Nacho Supreme and Zesty BBQ Chicken. Seems to me it will be hard to find one I don't like. I'm excited to try the chicken and broccoli one personaly. My party pack will include the above flavors, gift card to walmart, 16 dollar off coupoons for the dinner, memo boards, and tote bags for the guest. If you would like to take part in the party let me know or if you want to know more about the Velvetta Cheesy Skillets! Party Packs Coming to your Party Soon

Scraps and Crumbs

Scraps and crumbs are about all I've had for a while. Have you ever opened you fridge and looked in there and said there's nothing to eat in here? I can say Dave and I have done that a lot lately. It has been the source of fights and frustration to say the least. The past layoffs and pay cuts and me being very sick the last year have taken their toll so much we have actually ate just about every single item in both our freezers and the staples in the cupboard. Kind of a bad thing. But if you look at it as the glass half full it is a useful way of cleaning out the old to make way for the new food in the future. We are both very proud and always make sure Addison has food but our choices for ourselves have been somewhat crappy. We would rather eat crappy food and catch up or pay our bills then ask to borrow money. We have chosen to spend our money in the order of bills then food. We get fresh fruits and veggies every other week so it's not like we are starving but we have had Ramon enough that I wouldn't want to eat it again for a while. Ramon or not at least we have something to eat.



Dave and I have learned in general that lack of money can take a toll on any relationship no matter how good or bad it was before. So we have also learned to work though many things together and I believe in the end we will come out stronger, though it has not been easy and we may not have been easy on each other.



With such a strict budget, I already a frugal girl have learned to pinch a penny a bit harder than I did before. So I wanted to share with you a little about what I have figured out or stumbled across.



Coupons are amazing and with a little research you can even stretch the value of a coupon.

For instance I had a coupon for buy 1 instant potatoes get 1 free and a coupon for .55 cents off one instant potatoes. I found a sweet potato version on closeout for .50 cents. So I bought two getting one free and the second one free too making used the .55 cent coupon. I even think I got .05 cents out of the transaction towards my general grocery bill. I recommend the book The Coupon Mom's Guide too cutting Your Grocery Bills in Half by Stephanie Nelson. I bought this book at Borders in the clearance section for .99 cents. You don't have to take it to the extreme but there are great tips though out the book. Remember that some stores will take expired coupons. In my example about I got a product I might not normally get but this actually got me to try something new and I liked it. So in a way it's fun. It also got us out of the normal same old dinner rut.



I have also found sites online that let me know about new products coming out. I apply to show these products or trial them. If I meet what they are looking for they send me items to sample and share and discuss with friends. Not like it's hard for me to give my opinion on something. These sites like house party and buzz agent let me still have a life by supplying the items for me to share and talk about with friends. Usually food, but I have done items like Pull-ups, Durex condoms, Silk Soy Milk. and Cover Girl NatureLuxe Cover up and Lip Balm. I also have My Velveeta Cheesy Party on the way to me in the mail. So when I might not be able to spend money on me from my own bank account I can still have a party or try something new with friends. Usually all that is required is for you to actually share the goods you receive as you promised an blog or fill out some follow up questioners post with your honest opinion of the product where people can see it. I have had a lot of fun with these and I would say my friends have too. Oh did I mention they usually send coupons for these items too.



Contests are also another way to get out and have a life with no money. I have won everything form season tickets to area football, flowers, movie tickets and such. Everyone always ask me what my secret is. I'll tell you. Enter any and every contest you come across. The more contests you enter the more likely you are to win something. Not too hard and usually doesn't take much time.



When you do have to spend your hard earned cash spend it wisely getting the most bang for your buck. For example, Dave and I enjoy going to the Sacramento Zoo with our daughter. It's a quick escape from Reno that will not cost a lot to get away. When we were there we had the option to buy a year pass. The cost was about what Dave and I would spend for the three of us to get in twice. The membership gets us in for free the rest of the year, we get discounts for the stores and food carts in the Zoo and is also a write off on our taxes per the sales office and we get discounts at other Zoos and Museums around. We also got to spin a wheel for a prize which we won $5 off our membership. Well worth the money in our eyes. We also use Foursquare App, so when we check in to the Zoo we got a free carousel ticket for Addison a savings of $5.



It never hurts to ask about special programs. I have been doing weight watchers online and meetings and was about to quick going to the meeting because of the cost. Like I said I’m on a very tight budget. When talking with the front desk I learned they have a scholarship program if you are committed to losing the weight and meet the criteria. So I filled out the application and low and behold I met the criteria. So I can still work on losing the weight without hurting my wallet.



If you’re like me you might have insurance but every prescription your doctor writes you that works your insurance doesn't cover or they don't have a generic brand. Ask your doctor for samples! 90% of the time they have samples and our glad to give you some. This can be a life saver in some cases.



Times our very hard out there for most of use. Hard times can mean strain on a relationship or sickness. Remember that if your stress your partner is most likely just as stressed as you are. Talk it out and try to be patient with each other. I hope that my little bit of tips will help you though these tough times and give you a little bit of fun during them or at least a little bit more food in the cupboard.

BARON NATION

I remember when I was a young girl sitting wrapped up in my grandpa's Vikings blanket sitting and watching the Vikings play a game called football.  My Grandpa would yell and cheer at the TV and I would pretend I knew what was going on and yell or cheer too.  It was one of my special moments I shared weekly with my grandpa. Just in case you didn't know my grandpa helped raise me most my life. My grandpa and the time we spent together is the reason I love football and also the reason I'm a die hard Vikings Fan.  And when I say die hard I mean it. I seriously though about bringing  my daughter home from the hospital in the Viking's jersey I  bought her.

After my grandpa passed away I lost my football buddy.  I still watched the game with my boyfriend and over the years my boyfriend got more into it became a husband and a huge Vikings fan.  The problem with being a Vikings Fan is, it is really hard to get to a game.  The Vikings maybe play the 49ers in CA once every 2 years. 

I love football, my husband loves football and Addison my daughter just doesn't get a choice about it. She will love football.  I'm her mom and I said so! Watching football together is the one thing I really want to pass down to my daughter from my grandpa.   So imagine my excitement when a little over a year ago I heard Reno might be getting a football team!  It was awesome.  I already enjoyed going to the Reno Aces Baseball games and The Big Horns Basketball games.  It's always a fun way to share time with the family, but to be able to go to football games would be amazing.  So a few weeks ago when I saw the page on Facebook for the Reno Barons Arena Football I "Like" it in a second.  I learned that the Barons are about the community.  Seriously, they plan on helping groups like March of Dimes and CampTouchDownUSA.  That right there  got me hooked and when I would be a Huge Barons Fan.  Shortly after "Liking" the page they posted a contest to summit a video explaining why "WE ARE BARON NATION".   So for family time Dave, Addison and I put together our first YouTube video.  Well that little video won our family season tickets!  It also has led me to this amazing opportunity to be a part of something that will bring Reno area fun and wonderful memories. 

While posting on the Facebook page daily, I started talking with the Defensive Coordinator Anthony Bartley and General Manager Tim Pierce. Not to long after getting to know them I got an email asking me to head up the Baron Nation Fan Club.  At first I was like "HELL YES I'LL DO IT"  in my head but the wife and mother in me told me to talk to my husband.  Dave was OK with it but reminded me that I can't do everything but if I wanted this he was behind me. Yup that's why I love him.  So now I am at the beginning of an amazing trip as I share many family moments and start memories that will last a life time, hopefully longer. 

I also get to share in helping an amazing idea like Arena Football in Reno become something LARGE!  Something families will do together. I GET TO BE A PART OF THIS. I get to do all this with my family and with an amazing group of Barons as we kick of this inaugural year of Arena Football in Reno!

If you want to share in the fun of BARON NATION check out the website http://www.renobarons.com/ or look up there Facebook site http://www.facebook.com/renobarons?sk=wall&filter=2